Love is a selfish thing
by breytonxftw
Summary: As for the secret; I'm in love with her and I'm completely alone with that feeling.


AN: So, I don't really watch the show, besides watching it a few times by chance which means, it might not really have much of anything to do with the show besides the use of its characters and the general idea. Anyways, I hope it's good either way.

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Victorious; it's a nice thought though. (:**

There's something I've been keeping inside, deep to the point I'm not sure how far I'd have to dig to pull it out; I'm too afraid to even try. They think I'm strong, thick-skinned and possibly even unattainable; 'they' are everyone that thinks they know me, everyone who claims to be my friend. The truth is so far from all of that though, the truth is I'm a hallow shell of a girl who just can't seem to get a grip on reality; the truth is, I'm weak. My name's Jade and I'm nothing close to strong.

Let's get one thing straight, I'm not selfish, I could care less about myself but I also could care less about anyone else, except, her. If there is anything that could make me gut-wrenchingly sick, it's stupid labels, but for the sake of explanation, she is my best friend. She's innocent, sweet, caring, careful, and simple. She's everything I am not and our friendship makes absolutely no sense to the outside world, maybe it doesn't even make sense to me but it is the very thing keeping me wound together. As for the secret; I'm in love with her and I'm completely alone with that feeling.

"Jaaade!" I was immediately cut off from my thoughts as Cat catapulted herself into me, arms wrapping tightly around my body and her voice breaking through the invisible barriers of my mind. I barely put fourth any effort to hug the girl back before she finally let go of me. "Cat, what's up?" I could have sounded more enthusiastic but she knew and accepted the fact that I rarely ever express enthusiasm in my tone of voice. Her hands gripped my wrists and pulled me towards the nearest bench on the school campus, I followed her lead and sat down beside her. "I miss you silly! We're still hanging today right? What are we gonna do? Could we…" I subconsciously cut her off as she continued with her usual babbling. God, she's always extremely cute when she rambles like this, even though I'm being a complete asshole by ignoring her right now and not fully immersing myself into her words, as she does every time with mine.

"Jade..?" I look up at cat to see her lower lip slightly quivering and the look on her face that said she was almost, about to cry.

"What? Yeah, sorry. Sure we'll get some candy tonight." To be honest I hadn't really heard a word that she'd said, but for some reason I had a good feeling there was something about candy in there somewhere.

Her face immediately brightened up and I couldn't help but let a small, very small smile curve the edge of my lips. "Yay!" the next thing I knew she sped off, but I wasn't about to go looking for her.

I stood up casually and nonchalantly, I knew Beck would be expecting to meet me by his locker right around now; yeah, I have a boyfriend and I'm sure I love him too. As soon as I came in view of the locker, I could see him already standing there, leaning up against his locker with his usual cool look on his face. His strong arms snaked their way around my waist and tugged me almost effortlessly closer, a move I've grown accustom to, it was expected now. There really wasn't anything that happened in our relationship that was ever unexpected, but I like it, it's safe.

"I saw you talking to Cat, I'm guessing having you all to myself tonight isn't an option?" Beck asked with a hopeful smile, I knew he wanted me to come over, just like most nights, crawl into his bed and let him have me and then stay in his arms until I had to go. I couldn't though, not tonight, once you make plans with Cat, they are solid, there's no way of getting out of them without hurting her somehow and to be honest, I just really wasn't in the mood for all the waterworks.

I sigh softly and shook my head "You know I have plans with her tonight Beck. Speaking of, I'd better get going." I leaned up and kissed him, feeling him kissing me back calmly, gently just like always, then pulled back and walked off to the parking lot to find Cat.

I really don't know why Cat is even my friend, well actually, I guess I do know, it's because no one else ever gives her the time of day or really ever takes anything she says seriously; which is somewhat understandable because I doubt most of the time that Cat even takes what she says seriously. But, even so, I just don't get it, I'm not understanding, I'm not sweet, I'm not funny and you're lucky if you could even keep up a conversation with me. I guess, maybe it's because she knows somehow that I do care.

AN: Now that you have an idea of where I'm going with this, reviews and criticism are appreciated. As soon as I get at least three reviews for this first chapter, the next one will be up. 3 (:


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